My story

Was born on August 22th, 18 years ago. My life really started on July 1st 2017 in Greece. I didn't know anything before then about what it is like to be a living being in this world. My eyes were closed as well as my mind. I was shy and shallow and a child. At sixteen I had enough so I left for the summer. Left all of it behind to discover the unknown. I arrived in Greece where all of it started. I feel weird writing this as if it were a story but I guess it is one. I got there, didn't know anybody. Felt alone for a couple days. I started making friendships that I didn't would last forever and met people I didn't know would change my life. Then I saw him. I felt like I knew him and for some reason I had a feeling he would break my heart. I just never imagined how.He was everything to me and even though we didn't get much time he changed something in me and taught me so much. He touched my soul and I knew there was no going back. So I loved him. I swear I did. Only I realized it after he was gone. On July 21st he died. Never got to say goodbye and sometimes I think it's better that way. I wouldn't have been able to look at him in the eyes. Although I often wonder if I should have said something while he was here. Maybe that I loved him even though I hadn't quite felt it yet I could feel it coming. Maybe it would have brought him peace to know that the person who last kissed him was in love with the way he was and with every part of him from head to toe. For the rest of my time in Greece I felt a little numb. I didn't want admit that he was gone. I couldn't believe it and I just thought what a bitch life is. I was on this journey to truly get a taste of life and instead I got punched in the heart. Anyway I felt like I had to leave for a day, just to get out of my head. So I took a boat to Turkey. When I got there I was a little lost and so a man in a taxi offered to take me to the village and I said yes. Now I know it's not my fault but that was probably the biggest mistake of my life and I've made a few bad decisions. I kept telling myself how could I have known. I'll spare you the details but let's just say I have never in my life felt so diminished and shamed and vulnerable than that day. I got back on the boat with my head down, sobbing behind my sunglasses. I didn't talk for a day. I was afraid of everything around me suddenly. I couldn't tell anybody, I knew they wouldn't understand. I came back and everyone was smiling at me and asking how it was. I had no words for them. So instead I wrote a poem, my first one. After all this I couldn't believe that this would be my story and that it would define me. I didn't let what happened that summer ruin me. I left for Hungary and I began to feel better, that's what I was telling myself anyway. Then to Austria and Slovakia and I feel like I daydreamed through all of it. Always had my nose stuck in my journal, leaving every thought that hurt me between the pages to lighten my head. I got back and started studying again. I met the love of my life. Still is. There are no words to describe how I feel about this man. He embodies all the good things of life and more. He has become my favorite person, my best friend and my hero over the years. Only after almost two years of unconditional love, he was thrown in prison for a teenage mistake that already ruined his life. He was taken from me and all I feel now is empty. If anything this experience has shown me how much admiration and respect I have for him. It's very unusual to say this but being apart makes me feel closer to him in a sense that my love is growing and there is no limit to it's volume.  

 

©2019 by Gabrielle Archambault.

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