Updated: Mar 18, 2019
Easier. I wish it were easier sometimes. Sadness has been coming my way lately along with anger knocking at my door and anxiety throwing rocks at my window. I've tried to tell them that my eyelids are fighting the strongest tides everyday. It's not just a metaphor but simply how I feel. If I were to describe it, it'd be like this : So let's say I'm the sun, casually shining high up in this blue sky. Looking on all the tiny humans like they're my problems.Easier. I wish it were easier sometimes. I feel so detached until the clouds roll in and it becomes dark, it rains and there are shadow. That's when I think my own shadow might be happier than me. And it's funny because these are the thoughts I've been having while having sex. While the thoughts I've been having in the shower : none. Easier. I wish it were easier sometimes. And I don't want to talk about it so don't ask me. Well it's not that I don't want to it's just that no
words can match what my insides would like to say. But when I look at you, I hope you'll notice the ashes of what once was a bonfire behind my eyes. I hope you'll notice that when the electricity leaves I can barely hold on in the dark. Easier. I wish it were easier sometimes. I have a date with myself I've been cancelling for weeks. We were supposed to discuss what the fuck is going on in my head. I'm just too tired I said last time. We both know I'm just avoiding. Just like my mother's calls. Easier. I wish it were easier sometimes. I've stopped smiling because it reminds me of how fake everything else is too.